Frustrated parents often describe a child’s personality with words like rebellious, lazy and selfish. Behavior can be altered, but personality is more resistant to change. When efforts are focused on behavior, goals are more likely to be reached. For example, don’t say, “That’s a good girl!” which sends a message that being good all the time is the goal—an impossible expectation. Say instead, “I like the way you spoke to Grandma just now.” No amount of “good boy” or “good girl” will build a positive self-concept unless the child receives specific feedback on his actual good behaviors, because his self-image is composed of his accomplishments. The most effective way to build good behavior is to shape it with praise.